New Financial Planning Firm Launched
Traditional Firms Fear Disruption
For Immediate Release on April 1, 2018; Contact 520-615-BOZO (2696)
Gordian Advisors, a fee-only comprehensive financial planning firm in Tucson, Arizona, today announced the formation of a wholly-owned subsidiary, Clown Car Advisors (CCA). The inspiration for CCA came from a Gordian Advisors client who wondered why his financial planners were driving clown cars when Gordian principals Dave Hamra and Mike Burdick arrived in a Fiat 500 and a Smart car.
“Since most people who hold themselves out to the public as financial advisors are really just clowns dressed up as captive salespeople, it made sense to us to offer true comprehensive financial planning and embrace the underlying silliness of financial services” said Dusty Haboob, president of CCA (who bears a passing resemblance to Dave Hamra). “It’s not funny, though, how those sales clowns fleece the public while serving their own financial interests.”
Clown Car Advisors will utilize its proprietary “Chuckles Planning Process TM” in helping clients reach their long-term financial goals. The Chuckles process is a giant leap forward in the stodgy world of financial planning and involves three key components.
• A little song – CCA and the client get to know each other and identify the client’s goals through a candid exchange of information and discussion of goals.
• A little dance – CCA’s professionals analyze the information, evaluate whether the client will be financially successful and develop strategies for improvement.
• A little seltzer down your pants – The whole process comes together as CCA and the client work as a team to review the analysis and agree on a course of action, with CCA monitoring the client’s progress. The seltzer ceremony will be optional but it is anticipated that most clients will be overcome with enthusiasm and demand it.
Clown Car Advisors will be particularly selective in accepting clients. While the details of this client screen will not be made public, it has been disclosed that a prospective client’s three favorite funny movies will be compared to an internally developed and closely guarded CCA list. Demonstrated affinity for The Three Stooges or Looney Tunes cartoons will receive special consideration.
CCA is sensitive to sufferers of coulrophobia and so will eschew clichés such as a red nose, white face paint and fuzzy orange hair. However, most of the CCA staff already wear bright baggy pants and have big floppy feet which will ease the transition.
A marketing campaign is under development to feature the World’s Biggest Clown. Several reality stars and members of Congress have expressed interest.